


November

by lgbtfiction_writer



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Birthday, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtfiction_writer/pseuds/lgbtfiction_writer
Summary: Today is Benji's birthday. How does he decide to celebrate it, and will it go smoothly?
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 15
Kudos: 26





	November

**Author's Note:**

> Special Benji's birthday chapter edition.

Benji embraces Victor tightly as he sleeps, holding onto the boy whose gentle touch he never wants to escape. It feels like a lifetime that they’ve been together. Their relationship doesn’t feel long in a bad way, but long in the sense that they cannot recall what their lives are like without each other. With Benji’s parents away, it’s a perfect night for them to be together.

Victor snores as Benji tries to fall asleep, each sound long, drawn out, rather unsteady, but eventually fading away with a tender decrescendo. What keeps Benji awake is not Victor’s snoring, but when Victor stops snoring. Even though he can feel the heat of Victor’s body, his chest rising and falling as he breathes, Benji opens his eyes every time there is silence to make sure that his boyfriend is still there next to him. He grabs on tighter every time, wanting to make sure that this one doesn’t get away. Eventually, the heavy sound of Victor’s breathing soothes Benji to sleep, and he nods off.

Benji stirs awake early in the morning, though it feels like two minutes later. He stretches his arm out to hug the empty space next to him in his bed. That empty space suddenly consumes his entire being, a hole opening in his heart for which he is not yet ready. His eyes widen and his heart jumps as he wakes, alone. Is this it? Is this the moment that he feared most, coming at the worst possible time? Too soon? This is not something that he can handle losing. Everything that he held onto and took for granted vanishing into thin air in this very moment, Benji jolts to an upright position and looks around frantically like a lost child. He is one, after all, right? The boy who he loves, who helped him find himself when he didn’t know he needed to be found, is the boy who allows him to keep navigating through the dense fog of life. This is the boy without whom he is lost. Benji’s face feels hot, and his eyes start to water before a strong salty aroma invades the air - bacon.

Without hesitation, Benji leaves his room and heads into the kitchen, forgetting to put on pants. When he enters, he sees his boyfriend at the stove and a full breakfast laid out before him. 

“Morning, Cutie B,” Victor greets his boyfriend as he walks in, chuckling at how disheveled he seems to be. Victor wears a clean cotton shirt, different than the one in which he went to bed. His hair is still slightly wet, signaling that he has already showered this morning.

“Hey, babe,” Benji says, still confused, but appreciative of Victor’s seemingly random gesture. “What’s going on here?”

Victor reaches for a plate with a stack of pancakes that sits on Benji’s kitchen counter. He grabs a lighter and lights 18 candles, one at a time as he suggestively stares into Benji’s increasingly cognizant smile. As Victor starts to sing, Benji can’t contain his laughter. A wave of gratitude crashes over him, but another type of wave hits him, too; one that is not nearly as joyous.

“Make a wish,” Victor says after he finishes singing.

Benji does just that. After he does, he blows out the candles. And that’s it for those little dancing flames. After 18 small separate flames were slowly and carefully placed upon tips of fragile wax rods, one sudden rush of air extinguishes them all, and all of the light that came from them vanishes too.

“I never told you today was my birthday,” Benji forces a laugh despite the nagging gravity in his conscience.

“I know,” Victor says with a sharp look at his boyfriend. “I had to stalk your social media to find it. And then when I didn’t, I asked your parents.”

Benji’s head hangs slightly with a nervous chuckle as he rubs the back of his head with his hand. There’s a reason he never told Victor his birthday. But for now, it’s a kind gesture, and Benji figurs he should humor is boyfriend.

“Eat up,” Victor instructs. “This breakfast won’t eat itself!”

“Victor, it’s 6:00 in the morning!” Benji laughs.

"I don't want to waste a second of this day."

“We still have time before school starts," Benji protests.

“Who said anything about school?”

“Victor, it’s Monday.”

“So?”

Benji gives him an anticipatory suspicious stare, “What do you have up your sleeve, Salazar?”

“You’ll see,” Victor laughs. “Now, eat!”

Per his boyfriend’s insistent instructions, Benji sits down to breakfast. Victor has made him breakfast before, but never like this. Sitting on the table for just the two of them are a full stack of banana pancakes, a plate of scrambled eggs, a buffet of bacon, and two full glasses of juice that Victor somehow had time to squeeze freshly from a few oranges. To Benji, everything tastes better when it’s made by Victor. The juice is refreshing after the briny bacon, the eggs creamy, and the banana pancakes sweeter than any he’s ever had before because they were made by the sweetest boy in the world. Still, however, remains the bitterness of the reality of this day in Benji’s mind.

As the two of them finish eating, Victor’s smile grows wider, and Benji’s suspicion grows larger.

“What?” Benji laughs with a bittersweet smile. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you’re planning?”

“A day full of surprises,” Victor teases.

Despite Victor’s good intentions, Benji doesn’t take to the words well. They are rough on him like sandpaper, scraping away layers that he does not yet want to expose.

Victors sees the hesitant expression on Benji’s face, and he does his best to ease the suspension. “I just want to spend the day with you. I have a pleasant, calm day planned for us, and I just want you to feel special today.”

“Victor, shouldn’t we just go to school and hang out there?” Benji sighs tensely.

“Wouldn’t you rather take a road trip?”

Benji perks up at the offer. He remembers that drive to Willacoochee when he told Victor how much he loved road trips. The events of that weekend were otherwise turbulent and confusing at the time, but he can’t help now but to be grateful that Victor remembered that detail. He also recalls that Victor drove here, which is unusual for him. He usually just walks or takes the bus. That sneak has been planning something ever since before he got here.

“Come on!” Victor says, still noticing Benji’s hesitation. “It’ll be fun. Plus, you’re 18 now, so you can sign yourself out of school and don’t need your parents’ permission.”

He makes a compelling case.

“Where are we going?” Benji asks in what Victor assumes to be a concession.

“That remains a secret until we get there,” Victor replied. “But wherever we go, you _are_ going to need to put some clothes on.”

Benji feels his face slowly warm and turn red as he realizes that he’s still in his underwear and undershirt. He has now been sitting at the kitchen table with Victor for over half an hour, and Victor hasn’t said anything up until this very moment. And Benji isn’t foolish enough to think that that was an accident on Victor’s part.

“You go take a shower as I do the dishes,” Victor says.

“Well I can help with the dishes,” Benji offers.

Victor insists quickly, “Absolutely not. I’ll wait hand and foot on my special guy for his special day.”

“Victor, you really don’t have to-“

“The sooner you shower and the sooner I get these dishes done, the sooner we can get to the fun part of the day!”

Benji directs a glare at his boyfriend, but complies anyway with his wishes.

Benji also calls in sick to school so that he doesn’t have to come up with an excuse later. It’s the first time he can legally do that because of his age. Victor informs him that he concocted an elaborate lie to get his own parents to excuse him from going to school, and it somehow worked. Though it took them a while to come around, it’s not that Victor’s parents aren’t supportive of him with Benji; they just wouldn’t be supportive of skipping a day of school for a fun adventure like a road trip.

They get in the car, and drive off.

“So,” Victor says, “want to listen to some music?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Could you, uh, hand me the CD in the glovebox so I can put it in?”

Benji reaches to the glove compartment in front of him, and he opens it to find a box set with the title, “The Real Dolly Parton.” A collection of 55 songs in 3 CDs.

“Which CD do you want to listen to first?” Victor asks, unable to contain his smile.

Benji can’t do anything but laugh at this point, his boyfriend’s thoughtfulness at the forefront of his mind.

“Whichever, I guess,” he says.

“Well, we’ll have time to listen to them all.”

“What?! Victor, there are fifty-five songs in this set!”

“Yep.”

Benji is taken aback by Victor’s nonchalant attitude about having several hours of music to which to listen on this car ride. He starts to wonder even more where they are going that they could listen so long on the way there, but he brushes aside the thought for now. A long musical car trip with his boyfriend sounds like the absolute perfect morning.

He puts in the CD, and the tracks start to play. From the start, the two boys have fun singing along to the upbeat confidence of “Dumb Blonde.” They go through so many other songs as well. They listen as they drive through the colorful Appalachian Mountains, a scenic route Victor has chosen to take, no doubt. The colors and the songs mesh well together as they drive along. Benji sings along to most of them, but Victor doesn’t because he’s not as familiar with Dolly. That’s absolutely fine with Victor, though; it means he gets to hear Benji’s incredible singing voice for most of the ride.

When “I Will Always Love You,” comes on, both of them opt to sit in silence and listen. The song is bittersweet in their ears, especially Benji’s, who recognizes the sorrow that underscores the song. The word “always” strikes him with such painful contradiction as the song is about the end of a relationship. There is no always. There is no forever. Dolly’s love for the person to whom she is confessing cannot exist “always” because she won’t. Nor will the person to whom she is confessing. Although he believes Dolly is timeless, really only her legacy is.

_Always_.

The futility of the word hurts. But there are several more songs in the set, so Benji is able to push aside that thought.

They get to the end of the set, Benji’s voice now hoarse and scratchy from singing so much.

“Do you have any water?” he asks Victor has he clears his throat.

“I thought you might ask that,” Victor laughs. “Yeah, there’s one in the back behind you.”

Benji reaches back to see a water bottle with a sticky note attached to it: “for Benji’s fragile vocal cords.”

He snorts laughing upon the realization that that has been there the whole time, since Victor has not once taken his hands off the wheel.

“I can’t believe you own this collection,” Benji says after taking a sip of water.

“I don’t,” Victor clarifies. “You do. It’s yours.”

Benji looks up at Victor with a stunned expression. He can’t get words out.

“Happy birthday, Benji,” Victor says with a smile.

Right. That’s why they’re doing this. Benji remembers now. It’s his birthday. Oh, if only he could forget.

“Thanks,” he says flatly. Victor notices that something is off, but before he can say anything, Benji continues, “Hey, where are we going?”

He asks at this point because it seems as though they have not been traveling in any one particular direction. To Benji, the mountains have started to look the same, but he now wonders if they are the same mountains. It’s as if they are on a road to nowhere at all.

“Does it matter?” Victor asks. “Does there always have to be a destination?”

_There is always a destination_ , Benji thinks. However long they drive around, they are eventually going to end up somewhere. This car ride will expire at some point. So will the day. After that, the week. Then goes the month. Then the year, and the decade along with it. Everything must come to an end. Whether we want there to be a destination or not, there will always be one.

Benji so badly wants to say what is on his mind, but he knows that doing so would be just about as pleasant as coughing up blood. He also knows that his boyfriend is just trying to do something nice for him, and he doesn’t want to ruin that. Instead, he says “I guess not,” and thanks Victor again for the CDs.

“Actually,” Victor breaks a couple minutes of agonizing silence, “I am taking you somewhere. It just wasn’t far enough away from Atlanta to give you the full road trip experience, so I thought we’d just drive a while.”

The confession breaks the tension that Benji feels in his mind and body, and he lets out an appreciative chuckle and grunt.

“It’s still pretty far away,” Victor says, “but I’m taking you to this really amazing camping area up in the north of the state. I thought we could spend our time hiking through nature together and just enjoying the peace. And it’s the place with the least light pollution in Georgia, so we can stay into the evening and look up at the stars.”

“I would love that,” Benji says sweetly with a smile.

He really would. For Benji right now, nothing would be better than to just get away from everything with the person he loves. Not that he’s ever told Victor that, but he knows it’s true. A peaceful afternoon in the quiet of nature sounds pleasant to him.

Since they’re too far away from any signal to listen to the radio, they listen again to Benji’s new CDs. Victor sings more than Benji does this time since Benji’s voice is tired. Benji teases Victor about his voice being quite higher pitched than he had initially expected. Victor doesn’t mind, though. It’s just nice to be here with Benji.

When they get to the campground, Benji finds that Victor had enough foresight to rent a campsite so they could park their car during their hike. It’s amazing that he planned all of this. He also finds it amazing how Victor hasn’t spilled yet that Benji’s parents were definitely in on this considering the fact that they announced a last minute trip right before his birthday.

The two of them get out of the car, and the crisp cool November air sends goosebumps and shivers over Benji’s body. He was not prepared for this outdoor adventure at all. Luckily, Victor brought a second jacket. Victor wears the jacket that Simon gave him in New York, while Benji wears the jacket that Victor wore the first day the two of them met.

“Ready to go?” Victor asks as Benji cozies up and gets warm in Victor’s jacket.

“Ready when you are,” he says with a smile. He leans in to kiss Victor, the taste of bacon still faintly lingering on both of their lips from this morning.

The two of them walk off, and they spend some time in the woods, off the beaten path. They are both quiet. They walk hand-in-hand for over an hour, admiring the subdued oranges, yellows, and reds of the leaves that crunch underneath their feet as they stroll along. They take in the scenery and absorb the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind, the creatures scampering through the forest floor, and the few remaining birds that are out this time of year. Their silence to each other says everything good that they need to know about their relationship. They don’t need to talk; they can just be.

Higher mountaintops make for an earlier sunset, and as they begin to lose the light, the colors of the leaves seem to fade away to different shades of brown. The crunching underneath of their feet becomes harsher, more disturbing as the quiet is interrupted.

Much to Benji’s surprised, Victor pierces the silence like a knife, “Enjoying your birthday?”

At this point, there is too much pain. There is too much sorrow. There is too much memory, and at the same time, too little. Benji doesn’t respond.

“I have something else for you--”

“Stop!” Suddenly, something in Benji snaps.

Victor jumps back and lets go of Benji’s hand at the harshness of the phrase. Benji looks over at Victor, whose eyes seem afraid, hurt. He feels a stabbing pang of guilt for scaring his boyfriend, but pressure building inside him that needs to deflate.

“I’m sorry,” he says, now more softly, as he takes Victor’s hand back. Victor flinches away at first, but re-extends his hand out to his boyfriend when he calms down. “Victor, there’s a reason I never told you when my birthday was.”

Victor gives a questioning, hesitant look.

Benji explains, “My grandfather and I shared a birthday.”

_'Shared’_ , Victor thinks. _So past tense._

“We were really close. We used to bond over having the same birthday. We would open presents together, share cake, and sing Dolly Parton songs.”

Both boys chuckle at the mention of this, cautiously, though, because they know it is about to get more serious.

“Then, five years ago today, he passed away.”

Victor stays silent, but he suddenly understands why Benji has been acting weird all day. His shift in tone from reminiscence to grievance in his last sentence hits Victor hard. He listens intently as Benji goes on.

“We got a call in the morning from my grandmother. She was in the hospital after my grandfather suffered a really bad fall. And it was bad enough that he went into a coma and it would take a miracle to save him. So, instead of spending my birthday – _our_ birthday – singing and eating cake, I watched as they took him off life support.”

Cold tears slide down Benji’s face as the weather gets even more bitter and the wind grows ever stronger. Victor begins to cry as well, hurt by Benji’s pain.

“The whole family was there, and they waited to pull the plug until we were all by his side. It all just happened so fast. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye,” Benji continues, sobbing. “My birthday is not a happy time for me, Victor. It’s just a reminder that everything has to end. It’s a reminder that loss is inevitable. It’s a reminder that I’m just another year closer to death, and another year closer to losing someone else that I love. So I don’t celebrate.”

Benji runs out of energy to say more words. Instead, Victor pulls him into a tight embrace, and his head sinks into Victor’s shoulder as he sobs.

“I’m so sorry,” Victor whispers.

Benji forgives him. He had no way of knowing that because Benji never told him. All Benji can do is continue to cry until his eyes are dry and cold from the wind. As painful as it is to recount the memory out loud, it is cathartic to tell someone that. He never talks about it with anyone because he doesn’t like to show this much vulnerability. But finally being able to express how he feels about it is a huge burden off his shoulders.

Victor pushes off of his boyfriend slightly, just enough to steady him, hands still on Benji’s shoulders.

“Let’s go back to the car,” Victor suggests softly as he ducks to look into Benji’s droopy eyes on his hanging head. “I have something for you.”

Benji sighs, “Victor, I don’t know if--”

“You’ll like this,” Victor assures him. “I promise.”

They walk back to their campsite, sunset approaching more rapidly now as Benji keeps his head on Victor’s shoulder the whole way back. It’s not physically comfortable for either one to walk like that, but neither of them care. They walk in complete silence all the way back to Victor’s car, about an hour.

Victor opens the door to the car, letting go of Benji, who wraps his arms around himself, shivering from the cold. Victor takes out a box wrapped in festive wrapping paper. Benji eyes it hesitantly at first, but Victor insists that he open it and see what it is before making any judgements.

Benji slowly and unenthusiastically tears apart the paper, in the process, tearing away at every layer of his emotions and memories of being with his grandfather on their birthday. When the box is unwrapped, he opens it and is confused to see what is inside.

“A camera?” he asks Victor blankly.

“To capture moments,” Victor explains. “Benji, I felt that this summer and this year have gone by way too fast. And I thought you might feel that way, too. So I wanted to get you something that could help us both freeze time and capture the moments that we spend together.”

The cold of the night goes away as the warmth that Benji feels upon hearing these words melts him. He wished secretly on a stack of birthday pancakes this morning that time could stand still, just for a moment. Now, Victor is granting him that wish.

“Thank you,” Benji says through tears that now somehow feel warmer and more comfortable.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Victor asks.

“No,” Benji replies quickly. “Can we stargaze, like you said we would?”

“Of course,” Victor says with a smile, going to hug his boyfriend again. “We can go stake out a spot by the lake and sit for a while.”

“That sounds perfect.”

The two of them seek a spot by the water and set out a blanket that Victor had in the car. He really was prepared, Benji will give him that.

As they look up at the night sky, waiting for the colors from the sunset to fade, they are silent. Victor holds Benji in his arms for warmth.

The colors fade and the stars become visible on a perfectly clear night.

“See that one up there?” Benji says, pointing to the sky.

“Which one?” Victor chuckles.

“That one! Next to Ursa Major!”

“Yeah?” Victor asks.

“That’s him.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know,” he replies. “I can feel it.”

Victor nods, and he pulls Benji in a little closer. He knows he can’t protect Benji from his own emotions, but he tries anyway.

“There are just so many things he didn’t know about me.”

“Like?” Victor asks.

“Well, for starters, I never told him I’m gay. That’s probably the biggest thing.”

At this point, Victor knows that Benji is holding onto half a decade of wondering what could have been, missed chances due to circumstances that came too soon, and probably even resentment towards himself for all of the things he never told his grandfather.

“Benji,” he starts softly, “he’s not gone.”

Benji looks up in confusion.

“His body may have expired, but his spirit still lives,” Victor clarifies. “If that star really is him, which I believe it is, then a part of him still exists in you. You carry your grandfather with you everywhere you go.”

“How do you know?” Benji asks. “You’ve never even met him.”

“I just know,” Victor replies. He smiles softly as he repeats the phrase Benji used earlier, “I can feel it.”

A small smirk creeps across Benji’s face. He looks up at the sky, and says calmly, “Happy birthday, Grandpa.”

Victor cups Benji’s cheek in one hand and turns his boyfriend’s face toward him. “Happy birthday, Benji,” he says softly, and they share a kiss, a tear sliding between their lips as they do.

Somehow, for Benji, it all feels right again. The sun may have set, but he still got to enjoy so many parts of the day. He is with the person he loves so much. He misses his grandfather, but he finally feels peace.

Benji takes the camera that Victor gave him, and he turns it around to take a picture of the two of them sitting on the blanket. He takes another picture of the lake. He takes a picture of the night sky, so that he can always see his grandfather’s star. He takes as many pictures as he can to capture this moment in as many different frames as possible.

Benji will never take anything for granted again. He recognizes the beauty of the moment and living in it. He thinks back to all of the things he never said to his grandfather, and he doesn’t want to make that same mistake again with another person, ever.

Nothing is permanent. Victor is here right now.

Benji leans over, and in a whisper, lets slip the words that he has been wanting to say for weeks, but never worked up the courage to do so, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


End file.
